9. Ladies & Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains
11. First Blood
12. Basket Case
13. Cat People
14. Missing
15. Halloween III: Season Of The Witch
16. Poltergeist
18. Smithereens
19. An Officer & A Gentleman
20. Flight Of Dragons
1982 Movie Round-Up
Pieces (1982)
Juan Piquer Simón directs Christopher George, Lynda Day George and Edmund Purdom in this Spanish Giallo where a chainsaw wielding maniac is chopping up co-eds to build his own woman from their body parts.
Can other countries do giallo? Yes is the answer. Pieces is a whole passle of sloppy pleasures. A VHS victory. Gory kills. Fleshy girls. Slumming it has-beens. A line-up filling amount of viable suspects. Creepy flashback. A sense of humour.
Is it always coherent? Not really. A cameo from a Bruce Lee look-a-like here. A Carrie rip-off final shock that goes below the belt… there. Why does the tennis pro milf get to go undercover? Why does the cop seem so eager to have the nerdy kid help investigate? Really over eager! It is a movie of swirling distractions. Juan Piquer Simón’s ADHD nature actually makes it kind of a blast.
Take, for example, a tremendously creepy stalk sequence that ends in quite a brutal waterbed death. It doesn’t have to go that hard. Then the next kill literally has the frightened girl invite the killer into her lift, not noticing the massive yellow chainsaw hidden just down by his hip. Pieces feels one click away from parody yet the sense of unreality is actually a true strength. It doesn’t follow any rules and therefore reverentially recalls the wild card movies that started the entire sub genre. The only negative is the score by Can cannot threaten a Goblin or a Morricone but who really ever could?
7
One Down, Two To Go (1982)
Fred Williamson directs himself, Jim Brown and Jim Kelly in this end-of-the-cycle blaxploitation cheapie where four legends team up to claim the swindled prize money from a martial arts tournament.
You can see every budgetary corner cut here. The best sequence is three minutes of filler where a limo brings our heroes into the action. All shot from the exterior… there could be anybody and nobody in that ominously approaching luxury car. Kelly and Shaft tap out early but that’s cool, baby. Jim Brown and Fred Williamson’s hard as titanium PIs take over. Start looking for the dosh and those MIA first act stars. Brown is particularly fine. He’s staying at the Holiday Inn. There’s some grubbiness. A gang rape by three extras who all look like Dennis Franz’s stunt double. In general though One Down, Two To Go is the epitome of louche smoothness. Williamson knows the names on the poster will sell the movie to the select so there ain’t no need to break a sweat. I can get with that.
4
Class Of 1984 (1982)
Mark Lester directs Perry King, Timothy Van Patten and Lisa Langlois in this teen gang flick where an idealistic music teacher goes full vigilante after psychopathic punks keep disrupting his class.
Nasty exploitation. Makes some grim choices trying to be an own brand Clockwork Orange. The director of Commando ain’t no Kubrick. Know going in there’s bound to be a least one scene that will make anyone regret watching this. Despite living in the doody end of the swimming pool it still is somehow too cartoonish to be a thriller. I’m sure I watched this as a kid but none of the shocks stayed with me. I preferred the sci-fi spin-off sequel Lester made a few years later where Pam Grier turned out to be a flame throwing cyborg. Notes from class: Early Michael J Fox as the good kid. Van Patten gives Sean Penn energy and went on to direct every HBO show ever. That Alice Cooper theme song is dire and hobbles the movie before it even starts.
3
Fitzcarraldo (1982)
Werner Herzog directs Klaus Kinski, Claudia Cardinale and José Lewgoy in this arthouse adventure story of an extremely determined Irish ex-pat who intends to build an opera house in the middle of a jungle.
Iconic. It has been there in my film consciousness or subconsciousness for decades. All operas end in tragedy. And Herzog ain’t exactly an optimist. This is only going to end one way. I like the extreme location endurance test. Cardinale looks resplendent the movie misses her when she goes. The Peruvian wilderness cannot fill the Claudia gap. So much to love here. Like a lunatic tried to remake Apocalypse Now. You feel the impossibility of it all though. The exploitation. The suffering. Carry On Herzog. All scenes where Kinski is being dementedly earnest are a highlight. That man could not build a railway yet he could not notify the employees either. How any of this achieves an opera house is anyone’s guess?
7
I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/
Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary 