Robert Rodriguez directs Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas and Eva Mendes in this chaotic conclusion to the El Mariachi trilogy.

This has aged poorly, I remember it being a blast in the cinema. This watch… not so much. Just too many plots and triple crosses and pointless villains. Something this scribbly is the exact opposite of the pure Leone spaghetti western vision it aspires to or the clean comic book carnage of its two predecessors. Banderas’ lead gets sidelined to support character. Depp steals the show as a gleefully detestable C.I.A. puppetmaster. Salma Hayek is fridged before start of play and only seen in flashbacks. These flashback action barneys are the only scenes that match the winning excess and verve of Desperado. Everything else is silly rather than suspenseful, talky rather than walky. Eva Mendes, Enrique Iglesias and the setting of Culiacán look hot as fuck. But any film where the lookers make more of an impact than the character actor royalty that is Willem Dafoe, Mickey Rourke or Rueben Blades is clearly being very wasteful and indulgent.

5

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Yûzô Kawashima directs Furankî Sakai, Sachiko Hidari and Yôko Minamida in this Japanese period comedy where a conman runs up a huge bill at a brothel and becomes an integral member of the business paying off his debt.

Light hearted fun. Like a Robert Altman film this is packed with small side characters and cheeky interactions away from the winning, fast-talking protagonist. A good companion piece to Kawashima’s Red Light District.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Frédéric Petitjean directs Jean Reno, Sarah Lind and Joe Anderson in this thriller where a retired hitman lets an injured woman with a murky agenda recuperate in his secluded cabin.

Although it leans heavily on Reno’s Leon legacy, this never comes to life. The flat yet ambitious timewaster is overly fussily plotted and shows its production compromises in every scene. Set in America but shot in the Ukraine, this feature unconvincing shots of Eastern European locations set-dressed with the Stars N Stripes, all supporting actors are poorly dubbed and the producers have used their sports cars and coke party pied-à-terres as tax write-offs in the film rather than hire convincing props. Reno, Lind and Joe Anderson do better work than the script deserves but for a film that teases Besson-style revenge pyrotechnics, you only get a few shots fired and then the end credits.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Michael Chaves directs Linda Cardellini, Raymond Cruz and Patricia Velasquez in this housebound horror where a single mother social worker uncovers a child killing curse.

For a spin-off PG-13 horror this has a strong visual sense and tries for dread rather than constant jumps. It just never is particularly scary. Cardinelli makes for a winning lead and rocks her seventies vintage wardrobe. Doesn’t hang around long enough to be bad.

4

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

The Big Red N has produced some iffy content. And bought up some dross that studios thought was pretty much unreleasable. Those films that appear on the algorithmed menu twice a week are often pap, difficult labours of love by auteurs or Adam Sandler flicks. Taking a punt on a Netflix Original is a lot like renting the last movie you haven’t seen in the video rental shops of old. About 500 are chaff, but there has been some wheat. Here are my favourites of the movies they funded or provided a platform for when no one else would.

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Sergio Leone directs Charles Bronson, Henry Fonda and Claudia Cardinale in this epic spaghetti western where a widow needs to protect her land from mysterious forces as the new railroad approaches.

A journey so massive that Ennio Morricone does not produce just one brilliant score, he conjures 5! Who wouldn’t be seduced by dreamy Claudia Cardinale digging her heels in the scrabble and standing her ground as everyone fights around her? Morricone delivers an aria for her stubborn beauty. And then we have our man-of-the-match; the playful and wise and wistful bandit Cheyenne! Jason Robards gets a springy theme to match his wiley lethalness. We know eventually Harmonica and Frank are gonna face-off. Is there a deeper story in the mournful dirge they share? Vengeance bides its time then comes hard, crosses are doubled and then tripled! You are gonna have to be fast with those guns and patient with your draw as Leone masterfully moves all his icons into position. It is worth the wait, worth the long drawn-out moments of gorgeous inaction. Once Upon a Time in the West is one of the greatest films made, it makes waiting for death one the most beautiful cinema experiences ever.

10

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Eric Stoltz directs Skyler Gisondo, Olivia Holt and Bruce Dern in this sweet romantic teen comedy where an ambitious female student tries to get an overly dedicated nerd classmate to be elected to the adult board of education.

Here’s a film just happy being what it is. You can see echoes of Rushmore but it has none of Wes Anderson’s artier pretentiousness. The core of Election but without the vicious satirical bite that Payne marinates his universe in. The adolescent seductiveness of Some Kind of Wonderful but lacking Hughes’ need to make the kids maturer or hornier than the adults. This stays colourful, cute, innocent and charming as it tells its tale. It helps that Holt and Gisondo are hugely adorable presences that you just want to see the movie do its simple, unfussy cycle and let them end up together once all pre-ordained obstacles are leapt. Gisondo was a stand-out in Santa Clarita Diet. This was clearly filmed before but now he has hit adulthood he really deserves a few shots at leading some more comedies. The below score is generous but reflects how easily the movie won me over and made my night.

7

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Sidney Lumet directs Paul Newman, Charlotte Rampling and Jack Ward in this courtroom drama where a loser lawyer decides to fight a case in court that everyone else wants to settle quietly.

Hubris and charm and the stink of blended whiskey. The Verdict is set in the world of old men I can always see myself growing into. White haired, sparkled eyed, nice cheap suits and all the skills and knowledge to takeover the world if they could get away from the pub and the glass. Hell, I might already be there. This is a great courtroom thriller- perfectly cast, adapted from an airport novel by David Mamet and featuring fine work by Paul Newman. It is always pleasing when a well established movie star stops being cool and starts acting their age on screen. Newman transitioned from hopeful to wisened with absolute wintery grace here. In all honesty, I prefer him aged.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

Sam Peckinpah directs Warren Oates, Isela Vega and Robert Webber in this neo-western thriller where a south-of-the-the-border bar musician sees his chance to make some “new life” money when the cartel want a man he knows’ head.

I’d say BMTHOAG would be one of my favourite movies if it wasn’t so fucking bleak. Amazing rude yet sensitive performances from personal favourite Warren Oates. Unexpected twists and turns in a simple enough tale… there is one expertly executed shock in a graveyard that spins the entire universe out of control. Shoot outs that are wild and random and violent and merciless. But I can only watch it once a decade comfortably. It is way too languid and misanthropic and misogynistic and dirty to enjoy overly frequently. At first it is seedy fun watching an anti-hero as ethically broken as Oates’ Bennie. We chuckle as we see him pour tequila on his crabs the morning after a romantic tryst or try to continue making small talk behind his shades after two queer bagmen suits beat one of his bar whores for no transgression at all. We slowly realise how pathetic he is. He is his lover’s second choice, a mere side piece compared to the titular and prolific Alfredo Garcia. He loves Elita and the resigned sadness in his face as they talk about the future, marriage and the chance this score could give them is heartbreaking. He is powerless in a random attack from passing bikers and that frustration of obsolescence is so casually processed you want to hate him for not being the movie man-of-action we deserve. And then after an hour of diversions and hanging out, the rampage to deliver the head of Garcia begins. Bullets fly, flies infest, mania takes over. Whether you drive the road to oblivion fast or slow, with purpose or pig headed determination there is only one fatal outcome. If you are going to take that road you need a lead actor as crumpled and sleazy and complex and middle aged, penniless cool as Oates to be your wheelman. I fucking love him in movies and this is probably his finest hour.

9

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/

John Waters directs Divine, Tab Hunter and Edith Massey in this spoof of a suburban melodrama where a Baltimore housewife’s life falls apart when her husband leaves her, her daughter gets knocked up and her son is caught stomping on ladies’ feet.

Not as sick as Pink Flamingos and at least a million bucks slicker. This would sit comfortably in a double bill with any Farrelly Brothers film. All the performances are pleasingly broad and Edith Massey is so hilariously awful at acting that her unbridled enthusiasm is part of the charm. Was originally screened in Odor-A-Rama but just as fun without a scratch and sniff card and a little imagination.

8

Check out my wife Natalie’s Horror blog https://cornsyrup.co.uk

We also do a podcast together called The Worst Movies We Own. It is available on Spotify or here https://letterboxd.com/bobbycarroll/list/the-worst-movies-we-own-podcast-ranking-and/