Guy Ferland directs Alicia Silverstone, Jeremy London and JT Walsh in this drama about various sexually frustrated drunks lusting after the girl next door.

All our DVDs are packed away in boxes before the move to Scotland so we are at Netflix’s cruel mercy this week. We put this on thinking it was Silverstone’s The Hand That Rocks the Cradle rip off The Crush. A mistake. As that sub thriller wasn’t great but this forgotten indie drama is far, far worse. Mainly a showcase for Alicia’s lovely long hair while various boys and men fantasise about fucking her, accidentally murdering her and (rather uniformly) soaping her back in the bath. Her character is a hollow vessel for all the cast to metaphorically cum in, she doesn’t have a name until the last scene or let alone fantasies of her own. The only decent performance is from a can of Coke that pops up in every shot for the first 15 minutes then retires to its trailer to call its agent and explain “This isn’t Clueless 2, get me out of my contract.” You miss its bright, effervescent presence by the shitty, grainy, weepy end. Really awful. Awful and boring. And as about a sexy as a bar of soap held by a drunk middle aged man.

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